My Marriage Changed Me
Boy and girl go on a blind date and fall in love. Two years later, those two crazy kids pledged to love, honor, and cherish each other until death parted them. It hasn’t always been an easy road. They worked (and still do) for their fairy tale, but it has been the most amazing 19 years of my life.
When Kevin and I first met, I was a wounded bird. My heart had been crushed. My spirit had been broken. For the most part, I had determined that the most private parts of me couldn’t be trusted to anyone. So I built walls around my heart and an armor that made me prickly and “safe”.
Somehow, under the guise of just being my friend, Kevin got past my barriers. Almost in a cycle, I would feel him getting closer or would feel myself getting attached to him, and then I would lash out. Each and every time, he proved himself worthy of my trust and my love.
If I were being truthful with you, which I always am, he should have thrown me overboard and ran for the hills.
Cause, that boy had no idea the ride that he was in for!
The one thing that I don’t thing either one of us were prepared for, was how much marriage would change us. My husbands love and dedication over these last 19 years has made me a completely different person. Frankly, a person I like a whole lot more than the girl who stood across from him at the altar.
5 Important Ways That Marriage Has Made Me Better
- Marriage Has Made Me Braver: I mentioned that I was wounded when my husband and I first met. At that point in my life, I was convinced that there was nothing of value that I could contribute to the world. For years, I had been told that nothing I touched would amount to anything. I had struggled in my education, in my relationships, and with my own self worth. It may sound slightly melodramatic, but it is ohhh so true. Again, in the interest of full disclosure, this is still a demon that I wrestle with daily. While going out on that first blind date may seem like a very brave thing to do, I was pretty much damaged goods. My husband, sometimes till I want to scream, forces me to step out of my comfort zone. He encourages me to test my bounds and learn new skills. If not for him, I would never have had the confidence to accomplish, even a fraction, of what I have done in my life. His love has made me brave.
- Marriage Has Helped Me Learn To Trust: When you have been struck down a time or three, trust is not something that comes easy. Marriage opened me up to trusting in ways that I had never been able to do in the past. It allowed me to truly understand what it means to trust completely. Marriage has been the complete epitome of a trust fall and Kevin is there to catch me all the time. His love has taught me trust.
- Marriage Has Taught Me Patience: So this one is still a work in progress. I have never been labeled as a patient person, but when you are merged with someone else’s will, dreams, and desires; you have two choices. You can either not see everything as a direct challenge or you can be patient. I have learned to speak slower and listen more. (I did say I was still working on this one) . I have learned not to lash out in impulsiveness or in anger, but to weigh all the options and choices. Marriage is teaching me patience.
- Marriage Has Given Me a Voice: I grew up in an ultra conservative home. It was expected that I not have a voice or an opinion. I thought how I was told. I did what I was told to do. I bottled everything inside until it began to leak out in destructive ways. Because Kevin and I are partners, he has given me room to spit out my words, my fears, my dreams, my emotions, my frustrations, and then we sort them all out once they are on the table, together. The freedom this has given me is unbelievable. Trust me, there are probably times when Kevin wishes that my voice hadn’t grown so loud, but marriage gave me a voice.
- Marriage Has Given Me a Glimpse To How Much God Loves Me: In the book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas says this:
“Your marriage is more than a sacred covenant with another person. It is a spiritual discipline designed to help you know God better, trust him more fully, and love him more deeply. What if God’s primary intent for your marriage isn’t to make you happy . . . but holy?
Probably the best change that marriage brought about in me, was in the way my relationship with the Lord grew, because of it. Through marriage, I suddenly didn’t see God as the great big Ogre in the sky, who was waiting to punish me for being less than. I began to see him as a God who loves me, who wanted me to live in freedom. I saw that God had created me beautifully and uniquely for a purpose. It was a beautiful realization that I don’t think could have happened had it not been through the love of my husband.
There have been many tears and harsh words.
There have been times when we both wanted out and for life to be easy once again.
We have each wounded the other and failed in many, many ways. Feel free to put away the pedestal’s. Ours is not a perfect marriage.
The only difference in our marriage, is that for both of us, we refused to quit! We determined in our hearts that no matter what, we would build a legacy for our children to look up to some day. One that pointed them to Christ. These are the ways that marriage has changed me and I am so glad that it has.
The big take away from this post, is not how awesome my husband is.
This is what I NEED for you to hear. If you put Christ first in your marriage, he can take even the deepest of hurts and wounds and make them into something beautiful. Something, legacy worthy. All by ourselves, Kevin and I (mostly me) would have bungled this thing all. sorts. of. up., but……. GOD!
Boy and girl go on a blind date and fall in love. These two crazy kids pledged to love, honor, and cherish each other until death parted them. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been the most amazing 19 years of my life. When we met at the altar, I had no idea how much that boys love would change me. It has made be braver, stronger, more patient (this is a work in progress), it has made me more loyal, and it has helped me see just a fraction of how much my Heavenly father loves me. The decision to take a risk and go on that first date was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I love the life that we have built together and pray that the Lord blesses us with many, many more years together. Happy anniversary babes!!!! You have loved me well.
Posted by More In 24 – Melissa Todd on Tuesday, June 20, 2017